yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You did what with his pubic hair?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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