I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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