He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
