Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize