Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
