I accidentally had phone sex last night
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
