I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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