Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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