My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize