everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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