How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
