What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
