Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
