just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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