I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I supernannyed him into submission
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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