i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
