My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
