i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
