I smell stomach acid.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
