the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
