Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
