It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
