Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
