That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
