I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize