yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
