wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
