i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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