ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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