I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
