I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
