Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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