dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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