I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
