oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
