I love having hate sex.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Terrible idea I love it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
