Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize