I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
