I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
