I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
please come you make the beer taste better
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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