u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
