Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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