Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
