Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
last night I used snow as a chaser
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
