Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
