I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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