You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
