The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
