I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
