I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
