I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
