worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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