I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
