Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
