There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
