like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
