someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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