He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
