Betty ford says i'm here all night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
