I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize